Yes, I know, it's been a while. In my defense though, I have been extremely busy with the new job and the new house. I need a huge favor though. Now, I know it's not polite to just start off by making excuses as to why I haven't called and then jump right in to asking for something, but I'm desperate.
Please please please give me the strength to tell my darling daughter, (you know, the gift YOU gave me for Christmas thirteen years ago) No she can not have that adorable 12 ounce ball of fur next door, for Christmas. I'm entirely too young to be known as "the crazy cat lady" and I'm pretty sure that with a female and a male that both have the ability to procreate, it wouldn't take long for me to become THAT lady.
I promise I won't fall asleep during midnight mass this year and I'll even commit to confession at least once a month, if that's what it takes. At this point, I'll do anything. Ok, that was a lie, I could never be a nun. I enjoy sex way too much to give it up. (And there is no need to point out that I have the sex life of a nun, I’m painfully aware of that already.)
So, think it over and get back to me, you know where I'll be.
All my love and devotion,